Wonder

Rabbi Joshua Abraham Heschel's prayer
"Dear Lord,
Grant me the grace of wonder. Surprise me, amaze me, awe me, awe me in every
crevice of Your universe. Delight me to see how Your Christ plays in ten thousand places, lovely in limbs, and lovely in eyes not His, to the Father through the features of men's faces.
Each day enrapture me with Your marvelous things without number. I do not ask to see the reason for it all; I ask only to share the wonder of it all."

Viision and Darkness

I left Australia with visions of Peru and saving the world dancing in my head.God spoke Peru, but never once did I think to ask "When Peru?" So needless to say I arrive back on American soil with plans of what I think are to happen next.God has a funny way of switching that all up. It's humbling to admit that I kinda, sortaplaced these expectations upon my weak shoulders. Thinking I suppose that I had somegrand vision to attain on behalf of all those rooting for me. I believe God, in His gentle way came alongside and spoke to me. "My daughter. Peru will come. But I have a few other steps for you before then. Will you trust me?"Aaaggh! That simple question, asked in a quiet way. Will. You. Trust. ME?It all falls on that doesn't it? Trust. Our concepts of trust are shaped on the many earthly examples placed before us during our life. We tend to forget that those examples are merelyhuman. Fallible.Our God is not. He is utterly trustworthy. Unfailing. Never changing. Always the same.Today I read in my faithful Mr. Chambers. I would like to share a few of his quotes.
"....Genesis 16 is an illustration of listening to good advice when it is dark instead of waiting for God to send the light. When God gives a vision and darkness follows, wait. God will make you in accordancewith the vision He has given if you will wait His time. Never try and help God fulfil His word. Abraham went through thirteen years of silence, but in those years all self-sufficiency was destroyed; there was no possibility left of relying on common-sense ways. Those years of silence were a time of discipline, not of displeasure......The one thing for which we are all being disciplined is to know that God is real. As soon as Godbecomes real, other people become shadows. Nothing that other saints do or say can ever perturb the one who is built on God."
Words resounding in my head. I am headed to Philadelphia. That wasn't in my plan. Course I didn't have a plan mapped out in it's entirety. Just Peru. Be a modern day abolitionist. I get impatient. Jump to the next adventure overseas. God slows me down. Taps me on the shoulder and brings me back to His plan. His vision for my life. And He asks if I am willing to trade my vision for His. That doesn't mean turning my back on my dreams and desires. No, those are still close to my Fathers heart for me. He just has a better way of bringing me to those dreams and desires. A more perfect way. And that is where the trust and patience comes in. Lately I have been blown away by His great love for me. It brings me to tears every time. It doesn't matter how badly I screw things up. How my selfish heart hurts others. My words cut. My stubbornness holds me. He will always love me. There is NOTHING I can do that will make Him love me less. Think about that....Why? I don't get it. I am not sure I ever will. But if He loves me as much as He says He does, then how can I NOT trust Him?Maybe that is the question I should be asking.....

Dorothy Is Leaving Oz

It's the eve of the eve of my departure. Right now my brain is buzzing. My mind is two sides to a coin. One side: I can't wait to see my family. I will rush to my niece and as long as I don't scare her, take her in my arms and give her a long overdue hug. I will spend my days making her laugh. Teaching her songs, and funny aussie slang to say to people. I will sit over a good cup of coffee and share my travels with my parents. See people I haven't seen in a really long time. Sit by the window and watch the snow fall. Be. For once.

Flip side of the coin: Byron Bay has been my home for over a year. Coming over God said I was here till He told me to move. Normally that wouldn't be a good enough answer for me but I truly had a peace about it. Course in my head I took that to mean I was here long term. And that is what I had prepared for. I've grown so much. Felt deep loss and experienced great healing. And the people I have done this with I am leaving. The family that I have walked with for so long, the family that has extended me so much grace. Given such words of wisdom and encouragement. The family that has been available to me at any given moment I am leaving in less than 2 days. And I don't know how to feel about that.

I know that my time here has been a journey God had to take me on in order for the next chapter in my life. I wouldn't be where I am at in my life right now if it hadn't been exactly where I needed to be. This has been the hardest year of my life. But at the same time one of the most amazing. Funny that. I am going home to take time to just BE. I need it so badly right now. To process all that has happened these last months. To prepare for the future. It's exciting. It's really scary too.

I got used to the land of Oz. I always missed home. Always desired to be back. But when you are in one place long enough you get comfortable there. And the deep ache to be in the last comfortable place dims a bit. On Tuesday I will put on my ruby red slippers and click my heels, lug my excess baggage and fly home....back to, well Nebraska. (It's close to Kansas.)

The cursor is blinking and I don't know what to type....

Pinch Me I Think I Might Be Dreaming....

I'm alone. I have the whole house to myself. This rarely happens here. The silence and I are buddies. That and the roaring traffic out on Pacific Highway. I recognize that I live in a place of great beauty. Picture perfect sunsets above open field. Starry skies that seem to carry on forever. Exotic wildlife, a rainbow pallet of flowers. You take for granted that which has become familiar. This place holds a myriad of memories for me.

Australia alone has been an adventure. But it has also been a jumping point to many other journeys. I am not wanting to brag....but merely point out what a loving God I am in relationship with. Since I was 21yrs old I have seen some of the most amazing places in the world. Experienced many an event that I seriously have had to stop and ask if I was dreaming...

Danced in the village of Brokopondo in the Amazon jungle, witnessed the great beauty of Cathedral Cove in New Zealand, snorkeled in the lagoon of Rarotonga in the Pacific Islands, witnessed Time Square at night, seen the Taj Mahal in morning sun, Ankor Wat in the blazing sun, Petronas Towers of Kuala Lumpur, photographed the largest reclining Buddha in Thailand, bushwalked with aboriginals in Australia.....and this is only the beginning.

I am seriously moved to tears when I think about all the dreams I had of traveling the world as a child. I was one whom you might say had an overactive imagination. I grew up in a small town of 1,200. Mainly made up of farmers and their families. To dream big meant you wanted to see New York City. At least in my eyes that's what it meant. As a child I lived in a make believe world of jungles, village huts, daring escapes, and great heroic feats. Who would have guessed that those dreams are now reality?

Senseless ramblings aside.....I guess what I am trying to say is this....you are never too old, too young, too poor, too busy, too inadequate, to dream. And not just the small dreams, the really really big ones! A rather amazing group of friends and I have a song we all love...Journeys 'Don't Stop Believing'. I never want to stop believing that with my God, that which is impossible is made possible. It's in the Bible. Look it up. Matthew 19:26 And start believing in the God you serve. Not just believing for someone else...but believing for yourself. God has so many adventures in store for His children....we just need to take time to listen to His heart for us.....

Stepping forward...

God told me Australia.....and so I went. I guess I never realized the challenges that I would face in only one years time would alter my life forever. Working with YWAM Byron Bay and staffing two Discipleship Training Schools has taken me to places I just never thought possible. In a little over a year I have been to 5 different nations. I've experienced things that have torn my heart in two, while burning a passion and resolve to fight injustice in as many ways I can.

This January God started speaking to me specifically about a ministry He wanted to start through me. I had no idea at the time what it all meant. But shortly after revealing that to me, the director of the base here came and asked if he could pray for me. He began praying, unknown to him of what God had just been speaking, and started praying that my heart for mercy and injustice would be a platform for my ministry. Well that got me excited! It wasn't until I was sitting on a prostitutes bed in the red light district of Calcutta that I finally knew what my ministry would be.

Having a heart for injustice against women I began researching sex trafficking and the problem worldwide. That's when God gave me a heart for Thailand and Cambodia. Being target nations for trafficked victims young and old I knew God was calling me here. After spending two amazing months in these countries it was only burned deeper in my heart to fight against this injustice. While in Cambodia God began speaking to me about my next step. Never would I imagine that He would call me to Peru!

I still ask, " Ummm God, are you sure it's Peru?" After taking some serious time praying into this and seeking His heart I knew that I wasn't imagining things. Peru it is! And so....now here I am, 2wks left here in Byron Bay. It has gone by so quickly. I have no idea how all this will map out...but all I know is God has NEVER failed me. Only surprised me and tested my patience. He's funny like that. So...I am stepping forward. Into something big. Into something God has been waiting for many a year now I think. I won't lie, this has been one of the most painful years yet. But God is a jealous God. He refuses to keep me in a place of mediocrity or just "getting by". He wants the ultimate best for me, His daughter. And He will fight for my heart, to heal those dark places of my heart that sat in shame and pain.

It would have been easier to stick with the "getting by". But I am so thankful that God wasn't ok with it. Oh I still had a choice in the matter. I could have stubbornly ignored His prodding. I thank God I didn't though. I am on the threshold of something so amazing it's frightening. And I wouldn't have it any other way....I'm stepping forward and I know my God will be with me every, single, step of the way....